The Power of Perspective During Divorce
Upon hearing someone is getting a divorce, the most common response people have is “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!”
Without stopping to ask any follow-up questions, the assumption most people will make is that a divorce is something worth feeling bad about.
That response can also shape the way we, ourselves, feel about our own breakups.
Even if we know in our bones that the dissolution of our relationship is in the best interest of all involved, the notion that people feel bad for us can create a stigma that isn’t in line with how we are actually feeling about our situation.
On the contrary, people excitedly wish their friends and family members Happy Anniversary, often without knowing any inside information about how the marriage truly feels.
Being in a relationship that feels suffocating, knowing you are growing apart from your partner, questioning whether you want to make a change, or being on the receiving end of abusive behavior can all feel even more isolating in the face of friends and family excitedly celebrating the longevity of that relationship.
The assumptions we make about marriage are pretty clear: staying married – good; ending marriage – bad.
That is true despite the fact that we know that many people are happier after their divorces. We know that there is freedom in leaving a relationship and that second marriages and relationships that begin later in life can be extremely fulfilling.
And yet, there is this deep-rooted, largely unconscious, sense that the end of a marriage is a bad thing.
So, when we find ourselves going through a divorce, even if we know in our souls that it is right for us, it can feel wrong, simply because of how the information is received publicly.
And defending or explaining our divorces over and over again is an added piece of baggage that makes an already unpleasant experience even more so.
Having a few trusted friends or family members who do not judge you, who encourage your growth and forward progress, who love you, and who will support you through this process is invaluable to feeling better.
